You know how people say time flies when you get old?  I would have agreed with that before, but now the days seem to pass slowly. Has it only been 37 days?  I would swear hundreds of days had passed.  Or maybe just one, hard to say.

To live in the moment, that’s the only way through this.  I won’t be held hostage to a future where you no longer exist and the past, well, it’s passed.  Some days are harder than others, and that also means some days are easier, but I know that I will never again feel the peace and ease I took for granted when our family was whole.  I no longer live in a secure world, I never really did.

When you were growing up I found plenty of things to worry about when it came to your health and well being;  falling off your bike, being eaten by a cougar down at the creek, bee stings, traffic, fevers, kidnappers and later on, driving home on dark country roads late at night.  But thankfully, you survived.  And thrived.  I’m not sure when I let go of the ever present worrying, probably after college when you and Taylor settled down.  I thought, now someone else had your back, would take care of you and watch out for you.  You had made it through those dangerous years of adolescence and young adulthood.  What a relief.

We never saw the train barreling down on you.  We could not have imagined that your life would be threatened and ended as it was.  We were witness to you being ripped away from us in what felt like an instant, taken away at a point in your life when things were really starting to fall into place.  You had never seemed happier or more at ease with your self, your circumstances and your life.

You couldn’t have lived long enough to learn what you needed to learn in this life…You were not yet fully realized…At least that’s what it feels like to me…And I know I don’t have all the facts…But the fact is, I miss you more than I ever thought possible…The fact is, you are my baby and you are gone…And the fact is, this really hurts.

This day, I just need to get through this day.

“Be reverent before the dawning day.  Do not think of what will be in a year, or in ten years.  Think of today.” – Romain Rolland