Please post a comment below if you would like to share your story.
Reading List
- Life After Life: The Investigation of a Phenomenon-Survival of Bodily Death by Raymond A. Moody, MD
- On Life after Death by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
- The Grieving Garden: Living with the Death of a Child by Suzanne Redfern and Susan K. Gilbert
- Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief by Martha W. Hickman
- Consciousness Beyond Life by Pim van Lommel, M.D.
- Your Eternal Self by R. Craig Hogan, Ph.D., et alia
- Your Soul's Plan by Robert Schwartz
- The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo
- The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
- Journey of the Soul By Dr. Brenda Davies
- The Grieving Path by Susan Jackson
Websites
When You Lose a Child 
Susan thankyou for your beautiful comforting words. I too have lost a son Steafán and find your writings about beautiful Mason have been sent by God. They have took me by the hand and are guiding me x
Thankyou Susan for your support
My son Clay and I were separated by 1800 miles because of divorce and his mother moving away when Clay was seven. At the age of twelve, Clay and I petitioned the court so that I may gain full custody of son and he could return to birthplace , hometown , friends and father. There were times Clay and I struggled to ride the waves a teenage boy may have, but he made it through and at 44 days before his 17th, on his way to his summer job before starting his senior year, just four miles from home, Clay lost his life and I lost a portion of my soul ten minutes after saying “I love you ” to one another. June 21st, 2017 was the first day of my journey down a road I begged not to travel. My son, Clay Dalton Cagle “Words have not been written to describe your kindness”
Dear Jeff, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son, Clay. Your words do justice to the love shared between a father and his son. Though no one is prepared to endure the loss of their child, we somehow find the strength, moment by moment, day by day to keep going, to keep walking thru this fog that is our grief. Early on it feels like there will never be a time, however far in the future we may look, where the world will feel right again. It’s hard to envision feeling happy again, safe, joyful, at ease or content. And though your world will never be the same without your child still living and breathing beside you, one day you may catch a glimpse of a future where thoughts of your son feel less like a mortal blow and more like a blessing, a world where your love for each other is a connection that you now know you will always have. Having gone thru the process of grieving the death of my son, I realize that feeling the loss, honoring it and staying with it was necessary to healing the pain I had believed to be unbearable. It had a purpose. Your life was changed by Clay, by his birth and by his death. What you do with these experiences can eventually heal your heart, but it takes time. As the days, weeks and months go by, it will ease, though imperceptibly at first. What helped me greatly was realizing that had our places been reversed and I had died instead of Mason, I would want him to one day feel joy, happiness, ease and contentment again, to thrive in the life that he still possessed. Mason would want the same for me, this I know, and Clay would want the same for his Dad. Eventually you may be able to live your life as the gift it is, as your son would want for you. This I hope for you, this I pray for you. Be patient with your process. It has a life of it’s own and will let you know when it’s run it’s course. Stay with it. It’s the only way through. I hope you have the support of friends and family as you walk the grieving path. Write back if you’d like. I’ll always listen and be a witness to your grief. I wish you peace, healing and grace. Susan WordPress.com | | | Respond to this comment by replying above this line |
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| | | Jeff Cagle commented on Share Your Story Please post a comment below if you would like to share your story. My son Clay and I were separated by 1800 miles because of divorce and his mother moving away when Clay was seven. At the age of twelve, Clay and I petitioned the court so that I may gain full custody of son and he could return to birthplace , hometown , friends and father. There were times Clay and I struggled to ride the waves a teenage boy may have, but he made it through and at 44 days before his 17th, on his way to his summer job before starting his senior year, just four miles from home, Clay lost his life and I lost a portion of my soul ten minutes after saying “I love you ” to one another. June 21st, 2017 was the first day of my journey down a road I begged not to travel. My son, Clay Dalton Cagle “Words have not been written to describe your kindness” View Comment Trash | Mark as Spam |
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| More information about Jeff Cagle URL: Email: Hlfirearms@frontiernet.net Whois: http://whois.arin.net/rest/ip/172.77.24.73 (IP: 172.77.24.73) |
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I lost my youngest son on January 27, 2017, at the age of 32. He was riding in a truck with a friend who lost control on a curve and hit an oak tree. Both of them were killed. The driver suffered a broken neck. It is thought that Mikie saw what was happening and put his left arm and leg up trying to brace against the collision. The bones in his arm and leg were shattered and his face and head made impact with the dashboard. He suffered multiple internal injuries and his face was disfigured. Due to his face and head being disfigured, we were not allowed to see him. I know that he had to be so scared in the moments before he passed and this really haunts me Mikie lived three hours from us. We had not spoken with him that day. What kind of day was his last day on earth, did he think of us, was he happy? So many questions that there are no answers to. The pain is so unbearable and overwhelming, sometimes I feel like I just can’t go own. I have two other children, my oldest son is 37 and my daughter is 33. I feel so lost without Mikie. I still wait for him to call or text. My heart is broken and I feel so empty inside.
Joyce.
On the 22 of March 2016 I received a phone call from my son in law. A call that changed me. He said, “she’s gone”
My daughter was epileptic and, very rarely did she have gran mall seizure but, she had been extremely dressed because a few weeks prior their brand new home they just bought had flooded for the 2nd time.
My daughter had a seizure in the bath and, drown. She was 27 and, married less then 4 months. She wasn’t just my daughter. She wasn’t my firstborn. My best friend, my heart and, soul.
She wanted nothing in life but, to be a Mommy. None of us knew she had stopped taking her seizure meds. She literally risked her own life to become a mom. She will never be. She won’t see her nieces grow up. Whine she absolutely adores. She won’t see her brother graduate. She won’t celebrate her first wedding anniversary. So, so, many “she won’ts.” I an completely devastated. How do we go on? Every day I wake up, the nightmare status all over again. She was so amazing. And, gave to anyone. She loved life. Her husband, her family and her friends. It’s just not fair.
Dear Cherie, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful, beloved daughter. How I wish I had the power to banish your grief. But grief is there for a purpose, and eventually if we honor it and stay with it, it will begin to heal our heart from the pain we had believed to be unbearable. It takes a long time, a year, likely much longer. So be patient with yourself and understanding of the process. Life is not fair, not for all people all the time. It’s not fair that your daughter died- it’s never fair when a young life ends too soon. But no one is immune from experiencing loss in this life. We may never understand why our child was taken, but on the other hand, is it fair to think that tragedy should only happen to another? I pray for your strength as you go through the most painful thing a parent can endure. I pray that peace and acceptance eventually replace your profound sadness. I pray that you have support and understanding from your family and friends. And I pray that love, love of a mother for her child and love of a child for her mother, light your path and heal your heart. That love still exists. It always will. Peace to your soul, Susan
I’d like to share my story.
Hi there my name is tina and I am a mother of a sweet little angel name kj. His name is kevin james butler but we all call him kj for short. Kj is the youngest of 4 children, all girls with him being the only boy. Spoiled little thing he is. I don’t talk about kj in a past tense because he isn’t gone. I talk to him and about him like he is here in the flesh and ththat helps me deal with the pain and the lost feeling I getc when he isn’t walking beside me like he would do. His has been in heaven since July 28 of 2014 and his birthday is coming up next week and he will be 3. He passed away due to a seizure that he normally had. But this one was the one he didn’t survive from. I walk around in a daze but on the outside it looks like to others that I am the strongest person on earth but I am not. I am mourning just like the rest of the family and friends but I smile every day and say good night to him every night. He was 2 1/2 when he passed and now I have my own guardian angel. I ask God why he took my only son and my husband’s only child but knowing that he was only here for us to raise so he can finish his job here on earth. He donated his organs and blood to others to help them. Because of my angel, another child can see the world when that child was born blind. My son wouldn’t want me to be sad, he would want me to live my life with a smile and care free just as he does now. Thank you for reading my blog and I pray for each person that goes through this horrifying experience. May God bless each and every one of you all.
My story at this stage I doubt would be inspirational as it has only been one month since my darling daughter died in a car accident. She was 23 years old. Stugorgeous. Miss personality at high school, first princess, amazing bubbly lively brave! I have been divorced for 20 years, so it was me, my so shaun and simone, against the world.
Simone shared a flat with school friend in cape town. Her friend was driving and a boy friend was also in the car. The car rolled and simone was flung out and died few minutes later.
What I struggle to deal with, is the fact that her best friend lied on the scene when police came, and told them simone drove the car. The boy friend ran away.
I feel she was betrayed in her last hour of life by two people she trusted.
I am so angry. Am I unreasonable to what to pursue the case. Which could mean that he so called best friend looses her high end job, her drivers licence, and maybe a fine??
I do not know yet how to live without my child. I feel like a crazy person. I have read all the stories I could find to make sense. Nothing seems to help. Maybe someone out there can help me….
dearest friend I am up late having recievied devasting news my mother in law has been given 1 month to live, I am also missing my baby boy who died in a car accident with two of his friends all aged 18 in 2 weeks we should have been celebrating his 21st but I am too devasted to think about it. I miss him every day and his friends, without my husband and friends of the boys I too would have gone crazy, I still yell scream at the wrongness of it but it helps me get through each day, we also have 4 children that need love and support which sometimes is hard take comfort you have friends who know what you are going through would love to give you a big hug take care Jeanette
Thank you for sharing your sad but somehow encouraging tragedy. Today marks twelve years since Steve’s passing and I still find it so painful. It was my 25th birthday and he was only seven. I wish I could have answers to what went wrong it is all just a blur. One minute he had abdominal pain the next he had an appendectomy and then his passing. I like you wish I had just one more minute just a second with him this would be timeless. He’s thought of and talked about almost daily in my household. He was my first born and The best older brother ever. A tragedy like this makes you see life in a whole different perspective. He was nothing like any of my other children there was something different about him he had this charisma something I could not explain. Until the day he was ill. I remember a feeling in my stomach something I never felt before that told my to let him go. He was too good for this world, I then cried and fell to my knees and felt something ripped out my soul. I ran up to ICU and he was “code red” I was too late. I know we will meet in a short time but for now for me I treasure memories and I love as I know that with love I feel Steve… Steven is Love…
I cannot thank you enough for having this blog. That sounds so horrible to say, but I’ve been struggling with the loss of my children for a long time, feeling alone yet when I meet someone who has gone thru the loss, I feel hopeful. I’ve lost 3 children in my 30 years of life. My first born son died of SIDS at 2 weeks old, and my 1 year old and 3 year old sons died in a car accident in Nov. 2012. I struggle everyday with grief. Lately, I’ve been thankful enough to make myself busy. It’s when I’m not busy that my mind starts to wander. What would they have been like? What could I have done differently? Did they feel pain? Did they feel my love? So many thoughts and all too much time. Blessing to every parent who has had to deal with this horrible situation. I hope it gets “easier” (for lack of a better word)
Dear Isabella, I cannot begin to know your grief, but I have an idea of your strength. You have suffered more loss in a short period of time than is easily conceivable. Of course you continue to struggle, but one day I hope the grief you feel so deeply will become a little more tolerable. It has for me. I know our grief is different, you lost three precious babies and I lost my grown son, but we both have questions that cannot be answered and feel the helplessness that all parents must feel when they lose a child. You have so many feelings that need to be processed and that will take a while. But you’re doing it, day by day, sometimes, moment by moment. I offer you hope, I pray for your healing, and give you this; Your babies felt your love and always will. This I know.
I do to fill your lose I lost my baby girl on 3/10/13 will she was 17 but your kids will always be your baby, she to die of Fusobacterium i was the only one around when she died, For a father its more than words can say,Its like having the flu since she die, i miss her so much, some times i don’t want to go on, But reading what you said helps me and others, i have another daughter she just turn 15 and i keep telling my self she needs me, i find myself crying every day. some day we will be with the ones we lost and love god bless you and you family thank you for sharing
I’m so sorry for your loss! My 40 year old husband died of sepsis last year. He is a new story on the sepsis alliance page.
I truly understand the pain of losing a child. I lost my son 4 years ago. He was only 21 years old. He was walking on the edge of the road, we will never know why he was walking for his car was park just down the road, the police feel that perhaps he was having some car trouble. But along came a drunk driver and struck him. The drunk driver was just 24 years old and this was his third DWI arrest. Did he stop and help him, No!!! He just drove on with a caved in windshield with hair and blood in it and went to eat at a resturant and played a quarter machine for two hours, while my son laid in a ditch on a bed of rocks and died. He then started texting a friend looking for a place to hide, not to help my son, but to hide because his words “He didn’t want to go back to jail” I lost my precious son for a foolish decision by this drunk driver to drink and drive.that night.
Becky
I too have lost a son. Josh was 21 and walking home one night, a car load of teenagers stopped and attacked him and left him to die on the side of the road. It took an 18 month nation-wide investigation to find the murderer who was hiding out. The trial starts in August 2014 – 4 and half years later. I know I don’t have to say anymore because you understand.
Ingrid
I have been laying awake since 2:00am my time. It is now 5:24 am and I find myself here on your site, reading your letters to your son. I am so very sorry for your loss. I to have lost my sweet boy. He was 5 and a half. He past away Sept 19th of this years. Just ten day after being diagnosed with childhood leukemia (AML). My sweet child walked into our home town hospital with a cough and never walked out. We were admitted with double bronchial pneumonia. He was then transferred to a bigger hospital due to low oxygen levels and racing heart beat. That day forever changed my life. I was on my way out of Timmins District Hospital I was trading places with my Husband to come home and watch our other two children. As far as I knew my son had pneumonia and we would b home in two or three days, as I was about to walk out my son Dr stopped me and asked me to stay as he needed to speak to both my husband and I. Not thinking anything of it, I went back to my sons room and waited. When our DR arrived and walked in with his head down and a tear in his eye, I knew it was bad. My son had cancer. My first thought was ” ok this is 2012 Cancer is not a death sentence” . Our Dr quickly arranged transfer to the best cancer treatment program in Ontario. My son and his father flew and I drove behind them, a straight 10 hrs. When I arrived they explained there were two kinds of leukemia ALL is the easiest to beat, and AML very unpredictable and not as well know. ALL would of course be the” ideal situation” again my first thought ” what kind of world is this when you have to hope your child has one kind of cancer as a posse to another” at this point my sons pneumonia has worsened and we could not do proper testing for his diagnosis. The next day my son took a turn for the worse we were then transferred to ICU, where we hoped my son would recover, as his pneumonia was not responding to treatment. I had to sit back and watch my son deteriorate before my eyes, so helpless. I have nurtured this beautiful baby for day 1. My whole life laying in a bed, and i could not make him better. A mother job, and that I could not do. My son got worse and worse and worse to the point we had to intebate. My son was on a ventilator or three days, and then he got worse. We had not choice, my son was then moved to ECMO ( heart and lung machine) worse feeling in the world was walking in that room and seeing my sons lifeless body on that bed with a machine pumping blood in and out of him. But i laid my hand on his chest and felt his heartbeat, he was there my baby was in this mess of medical equipment… His heart so strong. Two and half days of this every now and then he would breath against the machine ans it was a glimmer of hope he was fighting, trying hard to come back. Until the last night Sept 18th 8:03 pm shift change new nurse comes in to do a head to toe. My son right pupil was fixed and dilated. What did this mean? I was not sure, the nurse then explained it could b medication, so we started weaning meds, no changed, so we took him of Ecmo. My son was trying hard his stats were 80%. We were going to beat this. The Drs. left him trying for an hr. The next was unimaginable, our dr came and gave me a hug and said ” im going to hug you, because I think its bad, really bad”. It was time to turn my sons machines off. At first I dint want ti be in the room, I could not watch my son die. But then something somewhere gave me the strength to go and hold his hand and tell him not to b scared. My son past away at 4:20am on Sept 19th 2012. The day my world ended. My baby turned blue before my eyes.
It is coming on three months and I struggle silently everyday. As I try to be the rock for my family. Secretly hoping my turn is soon to come. I do not live, I only exist. An empty shell. As Christmas nears I hear people telling me I mUST do christmas for my other two children. This eurks me to nooooo end. To me when people say you still have two children its like they are saying CJ is gone so forget him. I am angry and to world and angry at the lord for allowing the Devil to continue his wrath on our Earth. I miss my son indescribably so. I love him more with each day, and I am proud of him and his fight.
Callum Jr Fraser Feb 4 2007 – Sept 19 2012
Forever in our hearts
This is the first time I have told his story and thank you for giving me a place i felt in the company to do so.
Dearest Ashley, your grief is known and felt by so many, but that doesn’t lessen it. Watching your beautiful Callum die before your eyes broke your heart and it takes a long time to heal a broken heart. Hold on, just keep breathing and let time pass. That’s enough for now. I could feel the passion, the hope and the strength you gave your child as you fought for his life. I could feel your helplessness, and ultimately I could feel your overwhelming grief at his passing. Right now you say you only ‘exist’. That’s enough for now. Hold on, just keep breathing and let time pass. You say you struggle silently. No one expects you to go on as usual. Nothing is ‘as usual’ now. I hope you have someone to talk about your loss with. Write about it, find a place where you can store some of this grief outside of your wounded heart, if just for a moment. Your grief is great and your heart can only hold so much. You have a very long road ahead, but right now you just have to get through the holidays. My son’s birthday was December 26th and he died on December 7th. Wherever I turned that year, Christmas music was playing and people were wishing me happy holidays. Lights, decorations, presents and celebrations were everywhere and I wanted no part of it. How can the world keep going as if nothing has happened? The world as I knew it was over, BUT another one was waiting to take its place. It was a different world and one I would not have chosen. A new world is waiting for you, too, one you would not have chosen, but one day, you just have to trust me on this, you will see its beauty. Not today, not tomorrow, but one day. I repeat, hold on, just keep breathing and let time pass. That’s enough for now. Please be patient with yourself. Losing your beloved Callum is something you will never get over, but one day you will be able to step back into your life with renewed joy and love. Some say it takes around 2 years to grieve this loss. I imagine it’s different for everyone, but your loss is still very new, very raw. Thank you for being brave enough to share your heart breaking story. We all need to hear and be heard. I wish for you the time to heal, the strength to keep breathing, the gift of grace. Peace to your soul, Susan
I really feel your pain. I feel this will never stop. My son Eddie was 25 when he was hit and killed 6 months ago on March 18, 2012 at 3:30 in the afternoon. My baby was a former Marine. He had returned from his second tour to Iraq. My Eddie was a Marathon runner and that day he was running down the highway, when a car just hit him. How could this happen? I imagine Eddie had to see the car coming his way. He was on the side of the road. We still don’t have the answer, nor the toxicology report after six months. My son left a beautiful 9 month old baby and his wife. They had been married for one month only. Even though I have my other three sons, Edidie was the youngest. I try to concentrate on the love of my children and grandchildren. I work trying to keep busy. I pray to God. It is even hard for me to write. I just wanted to share this with you and maybe, I will find some peace and understanding. Thank you so much.
I too feel your pain and all the emotions you have gone through. We lost our dear daughter 9 years ago on January 25 2003. She was a beautiful young woman with her whole life ahead of her. I too sat with her as her kidneys liver and everything shut down and i felt so helpless because there was nothing they could do to save her…i begged and pleaded to please save her but they couldnt. I sat and watched my baby die and they injected her with an overdose of morphine to let her die more quickly. I still remember her last breath..I know your pain and every parents pain that has lost a child..its devestating, traumatic for the whole family and i have three other children younger than her and they have had to suffer along with my grief..Its been very difficult for my husband and children because i grieved so long but I have finally found that life still goes on and i have to make the best of it without her. my family still needs me and i need to be there for them. I will remember her and her beauty laughter and wit and i will see her again one day..that I know…Never forget..God Bless and take care of yourself first and foremost
My mother, Manuela G. Sanchez died of sepsis hypoxia. Even though she was elderly and in a nursery and rehabilitation home it could have been prevented. My mother was 77 years old. In May of 2011 she suffered an anyuersim, which required brain surgery. Then in the process of her getting an angio-gram, she also suffered a stroke. She was recovering slowing but responding. Next thing at the end of August 2011 I notice her having tremors. Her doctor from the nursing home finally referred her to a neurological doctor about the tremors. Dr. Patel prescribed more medication to help her with the tremors. I left my mother fine at the nursing home and later that evening I received a call from one of the nurses and stated my mother was being rushed to E.R. The doctor at he E.R. ordered blood work and later he diagnosed my mother with sepsis hypoxia and that it was in her blood stream. I saw my mother suffer in pain and I asked the doctor to please help her with the pain. So, the E.R. doctor ordered morphine for pain. The doctor said it was to advanced and ordered antibiotics and was going to make my dear mother as comfortable. The next day at about 4:45am my mother passed away. This infection could have been prevented. Nursing homes are the worst for keeping a patient free from infection. But I have never expierence putting a loved one in a nursing home. I relied on the nursing homes to take care of my mother in health, medical attention, care, and being sanitary. I was counting on the physical and speech therapy just to help my mother recover some of her strength and ability of some speech. My plan was to bring her home and take over in taking care of my mother. I didn’t get that far and God knows how I regret counting on the nursing/rehab homes to make her a little stronger, so I can then take over and bring her to her home with her loved ones.