You left us in a heartbeat, and what was unthinkable has become unbearable. I find myself in waters unknown to me, so deep and dark and threatening. As I fight to stay above the surface, I am suddenly and completely overcome by a wave of grief of unspeakable size. It pulls me under as if to drown me, and I go willingly. I know it is stronger. And then, when I have no more air in my lungs, it releases me and I float up to the surface once again, gasping, choking, alive. I should feel thankful, but when I look around for you and you’re nowhere to be found, I only feel empty. My heart is broken.
It has been 1 week. It has been a lifetime.
“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.” – Charles Beard
When You Lose a Child 
I lost my son dec.8 2012, it almost a month now and I am surprised that I still remember to breath.
I lost my 22year old daughter jan 8 2013 . I put one foot in front of the other, force myself to eat and remind myself to breath. Life has become nothing more than a burden. Like you have been sentence to the Pitts of hell with no chance of parole or joy until death and now I’m just certain I’m going to live till I am 105
Dear Michelle. My heart breaks for you. I remember all too well the overwhelming grief. You just go through the motions each day and can’t conceive of a time when you could ever feel happiness or joy again in this life. And you’re quite sure you’ll never feel the innocence and ease you once took for granted. Your precious daughter is gone. That’s the reality. How does anyone survive such a loss? It feels like a mortal wound from which you will never recover. But you’re doing the only thing you can do right now. You remind yourself to breathe and you get through the day. I’m going to tell you something that sounds impossible, but one day you will feel better. The grief eventually softens a little. It never leaves and I wouldn’t want it to. It’s a connection to my son. But at some point, maybe after the first year, the grief changes from being like a knife in your heart into a kind of sweet grief, more full of love and less filled with sadness, anger, regret and all the other devastating emotions that have taken up residence in your heart and soul. You will step out of the darkness and feel the sun on your face and welcome it. Many therapists say that it takes a full 2 years to grieve the loss of a child, minimum. You’re only a little over 4 months into this life you now inhabit. And the hurt is like nothing you could ever have imagined enduring. You will never get over the loss of your child, but you will get through it. Try to be kind to yourself, treat yourself with patience and love and know that your daughter would want you to find joy again in your life. I’m not sure how I survived the loss of my son, but I did and you, too, will survive the loss of your daughter. It takes time and when each day seems to last forever, it feels like healing is a long way off. I say again, just get through this day. Just today. Don’t look too far down the road because you can’t even begin to see an end to the pain. But it eventually becomes more manageable. I’ve written an ebook called The Grieving Path, but all the information in the book is also on my website and its free, no need to buy the book. http://www.grievingpath.com.
There’s a section called “The First Year” you may find helpful. I would encourage you to write, just a little everyday. Get your thoughts and feelings out on paper. Tell your story. I would consider it an honor if you told me about your beloved daughter. Tell me about her life. Tell me about her death. Tell me what she loved, what was she good at, what her grand plan was. Tell me anything you would like me to know and maybe I can bear just a little bit of your burden. I understand your heavy, heavy heart all too well. If you’d like to talk more, please email me. I will listen. I care. Please, please, know you can do this. You may not want to, but just keep walking, knowing that one day you will be able to honor your child by surviving such a devastating loss. I didn’t have the pleasure of knowing your daughter, but my guess is she would want you to heal, find your joy again and make the most out of your life. Our children were not blessed with long lives and what now seems to be a never ending series of days filled with grief, will one day become days filled with love-for your family, your life and especially your daughter. Love never dies. Hold on and let time pass. That’s your job. Hold on and let time pass. With heart-felt blessings to you, Susan
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